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Joke of the Day

"These riots remind me of basketball There are always people stealing, but you can't win without shooting."

"""20 McNuggets for $5? That's like a quarter a nugget!"" I exclaimed, hoping that my dinner date would be impressed with my math skills."

"[Interview] ""Describe yourself in one word."" Me: Lethargic."

"I'm not a racist because racism is a crime And crime is for black people"

"That awkward moment when ur mom doesn't know the words to a song so she screams ""HAIL SATAN"" & explodes"

"""I see you have created a tiny human. I, too, have done this."" -me trying to make mom friends. Should I not whisper it? I'll try shouting"

"When a topologist drops acid... ...is it called a Mobius Trip?"

"How would you try to sleep with a fat girl? oh, sorry, i misspelled ""why""..."

"My private health insurance really needs to start covering retail therapy."

"Why did the kleptomaniac dislike the insultingly boisterous man with a cleft palate? He couldn't take any more lip!"