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Joke of the Day

"I had to quit my job at the helium factory. No one talks to me like that."

"After killing a spider I wrap the web around his neck and hang him from the wall to make it look like a suicide."

"Me: Okay... Time for bed. Brain: Cool. Me: Brain: Me: Brain: If you had a pterodactyl, would you name him Terry... or Perry??"

"*watches you carefully arrange the piles of paperwork on your desk *waits for you to finish *sets fan to ""oscillate"""

"The first fireman to get called to rescue a cat in a tree must have had the hose wrestled from him before someone told him to get a ladder."

"What do you get when you mix up literature and alcohol? Tequila mockingbird Or Ernest Hemingway"

"Why did the Mexican food go to counseling? It wanted to taco bout his feelings"

"How did the nucleus escape from prison? Through the cell wall. I'm sorry. This was just too wonderful to resist sharing."

"What do the racehorse that finished in second and Michael Jackson have in common? They both came in a little behind."

"*breathing becomes rapid and pulse starts racing* I...I've never felt...SO ALIVE! *holds up 11th nugget from 10 piece box, for all to see*"