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Joke of the Day
"A Buddhist Monk walks up to a hot dog stand... ...and says ""make me one with everything."""
Next Joke
"If you want to relate to how old people probably feel just imagine that a bowl of soup cost $40 and everybody else acted like that was fine."
"""Dad, I cant sleep."" Dad: [enters chugging a Monster] SLEEP IS DEAD. GET A JOB. ""Dad Im seven-"" Dad: SO WERE THE DWARVES BUT THEY HAD JOBS."
"An orchestra concert is no place for a child. Sometimes there's intense violins"
"Tried kidnapping Stephen Hawking the other day... Had the blindfold the bastard so he'd stop yelling for help."
"For valentine's day, I got a new car for my wife I thought that was an awesome trade"
"No self-respecting murderer is going to have the patience to stand there for the twenty or thirty hours it'll take me to dig my own grave."
"there are two kinds of people in this world... 1) People who can finish lists."
"Say what you want about pedophiles At least they drive slowly near schools"
"I was thinking of hosting a gathering of celebrities where we make harsh jokes about honoree JLO's backside. Think of it as a rump roast."