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Joke of the Day

"Changed ex's name in my cell to Do Not Engage. Unfortunately, his middle name Not doesn't show up when he texts."

"A Cobra wanted to fight me but I challenged him to a thumb war and he slitthered away embarrassed."

"If at first you don't succeed, then maybe you should do it the way I told you to the first time."

"Today marks 5 yrs of being smoke free!! Now I spend my time finding new places to hide the bodies of those who've pissed me off!"

"I was sitting in a bar... When a guy yells out, ""Linda why didn't you give your mom any grandkids?"" She yelled back, ""Because I swallowed them all!"""

"Two drunks come out of a bar... One says to the other: ""We gotta go back, I forgot to pee."" The other one replies: ""No problem, dude, I can teach you how to do it!"""

"Fisherman got jokes... A little fish humor for everyone. ""Did you do that on Porpoise? Or just for the Halibut?"" ""Oh my Cod, save my Sole!"" ""You sucker, that smelt, so get your bass out of here!"""

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Kleptomaniac Barbie ...doll with suction cup hands"

"Heyy Ladies how are you dressing up for Halloween? Are you taking off your make-up ?"

"I just ate an entire bag of Werther's and now I'm 80 years old, own a floral couch, smoke Virginia Slims, got a perm and my name is Shirley."