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Joke of the Day

"Why did the introduction and the conclusion break up? They were just never on the same page..."

"That awkward moment in church when you put your hands together to pray & you see the stamp from last night & you remember..."

"A lot of woman actually turn into good drivers So if you're a good driver watch out."

"Hey, did you hear about the Mexican-Indian twins that just moved in next door? They're identical too! Once you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal."

"If I were a millionaire, I'd probably sign up Angelina Jolie and Gwyneth Paltrow for a movie called, 'Salt' & 'Pepper'."

"C, Eb, and G walk into a bar, and the bartender says, ""We don't serve minors here."" So Eb leaves, and C and G have a fifth between them."

"1-year-old: *shrieks repeatedly* Me: Why is she so loud? Wife: That's how she talks. Apparently she speaks fluent pterodactyl."

"Took a random unmarked pill I found on the floor because times are tough and no matter what happens it'll make for good tweets."

"How did Jesus pay for our sins? Pray-Pal"

"Shit happens. Just flush the toilet and move on."