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Joke of the Day

"Golf and NASCAR are the only sports on television today. Looks like the opposite ends of the asshole spectrum will be happy."

"Why did the man drowning in the Nile River think he wasn't going to die? Because he was in de-nile."

"How was your day? -You know in Die Hard when he runs barefoot over broken glass? That bad? -Oh no. It's just a cool scene. My day was decent"

"Maybe leave yourself in a hot car with a window open one inch for 15 minutes while your dog runs into the store"

"My wife thinks it's sexy when she bites her lip. But I haven't had the heart to tell her it's supposed to be the bottom lip."

"The number of Pina coladas I drank on vacation is this (my daughter doesn't want to cruise with me again) many."

"Why did the sweet scented man called Paul change his name to Saul? He liked the P, but preferred the essence the change."

"""I"" before ""E"", except after ""C"". That's an efficient rule. Very efficient. Yep...efficient."

"(UK) Did you hear about the new brand of shampoo for pikeys? Go 'n' Wash"

"Damn that lawnmower.... No matter how much I like a film, I can only give it one thumb up."