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Joke of the Day

"Siri: Retweet me."

"So you wanna learn to speak with an Irish accent do you? Whale oil beef hooked."

"Why can't a blonde dial 911? Because she can't find the number 11 EDIT: Maybe the fact she thinks it was called 9-11 was part of the joke?"

"I have a bumper sticker in Braille If you can read this, you're driving too close."

"My girlfriend doesn't want to drop acid with me. She's acting like a basic bitch."

"the ""i'm revealing my deepest insecurities to you with hope that you don't use them to utterly destroy me"" is silent in ""i love you"""

"What's the difference between Bill Cosby and a rap artist art"

"What would you call a social media marketing genius? Masterbaiter"

"What do you call a homeless Hitler? A roofless dictator."

"I'm so torn on circumcision. I mean, you're either foreskin or against it."