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Joke of the Day

"Why do anarchists smell so bad? Because they're *revolting*"

"A bit rapey.. The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did too, she began running so I ran too, she screamed so I screamed as well. I never even saw what we were running from."

"What do you say to a guy with kidney stones? Urine trouble!"

"Why does a chicken coop always have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan."

"A man pickpockets a random person and steals her credit card as the man walks off with the card, he says to himself 'hasta la visa'."

"The wife's only listening to you outside the bathroom door to make sure you're not touching the decorative hand towels"

"A Priest And A Rabbi Are Sitting On A Park Bench Watching Kids Play... Priest - ""Hey rabbi, want to help me screw these kids?"" Rabbi-""Screw them out of what?"""

"Honey, I gained weight to prevent women from hitting on me. You think I want to look like this? I do this for you."

"What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke"

"The rodents in my home are so damn big, they step in the glue traps and wear them like flip-flops around the house."