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Joke of the Day
"Book, you look so much thinner! I know! I had my appendix removed!"
Next Joke
"Unbelievable! Just checked the roster and I've got to work Christmas Eve from midnight. If it wasn't for all the free wine and altar boys I'd seriously jack-in this 'priest' malarkey."
"*Maintains eye contact with the soccer mom feeding her kid organic kale chips while giving my kid a snickers bar."
"Take it from me. Your wife will not like it if you say, ""My twitter girls would do that"""
"I think that an XBox is the closest thing to a ""box"" that most gamers have ever seen. Clever branding Microsoft."
"The joke's on you officer. That breathalyzer won't tell you how much cocaine I've snorted tonight."
"3 Best Uses for Oven Timers: 1. Remind you of beer in the freezer 2. Pizza rolls 3. Notify guests when their time's up & they should leave"
"Boss: ""Are you texting?"" Me: ""No, I'm Tweeting."" Boss: ""What's the difference?"" Me: ""Texting would imply that I have friends."""
"""If two wrongs don't make a right, what do two rights make?"" An Airplane"
"""I'm liking where this is going"" I said, pointing to a potato chip making its way toward my face."