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Joke of the Day

"What did the U.S president say before starting WW3? Nukes... You're fired!"

"Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you & they're stabbing it? No? How about now?"

"Pinniped humor So a baby seal walks into a club..."

"Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor bastard."

"Did you hear about the blind circumsiser? He got the sack."

"Why Do Republican Couples Keep A Copy Of Ronald Reagan's Biography Next To Their Bed? So that it can be used as an *aphrodisiac*"

"*walks into lift* Guy: going down? Me: I'll need a first date for that. *silence* *doors open* Dammit Twitter!"

"UGH. When I text girls that I have standards, I really need to stop abbreviating the word standards to STDs."

"I had a girl come over last night She was a shy little thing and offered her honor to me. Being a gentleman, I honored her offer. And all night, it was honor and offer, honor and offer."

"Why do actors like snooker halls? Because that's where they get their best cues."