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Joke of the Day

"DOG 911: what's the emergency? DOG: a boy threw a ball but I can't find it DOG 911: did u check his hand? DOG: of course I checked hiDAMMIT"

"My girlfriend just admitted she used to be a Christian, so I broke up with her. It might seem judgemental, but I have only known her since she was Christine."

"How Pokemon go came to be Customers: ""Niantic, can we have 151 Pokemon?"" Niantic: ""147 Pokemon? You want to have 145 Pokemon?! What are you going to do with 142 Pokemon?!"""

"Everyone has these expansive bucket lists Mine is a little pail in comparison"

"I've been working with NASCAR on redesigning the track for more variety, but it's tough I just can't seem to get it right"

"give a man a fish, and he'll just expect more free fish. teach a man to fish, and you can stick him with crippling fishing school debt"

"What did the gardener say to the man in the grass shoes? WATER THOOOOSE"

"[picking a career as a kid] I just want to do something that matters [many years and jobs later] Oh right nothing matters"

"how many Amish How many Amish people does it take to change a light bulb?"

"Why wasn't Hitler invited to the BBQ? He always burns the franks."