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Joke of the Day

"Spider dick Today I read that spiders like dark, damp, untouched places. Today I realized my dick is a spider."

"I was raped by a group of mimes They did unspeakable things to me"

"Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over ? Me: You wanted to watch me lick my ice cream cone ? Cop: Just go please"

"What do you call an Italian man with Parkinson's? A stutterer."

"Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He quit wrestling because Chuck Norris wanted his nickname back."

"Did you hear the bus drivers story? Me neither i was on the back of the bus..."

"Who writes hit musicals on the Internet? Andrew Lloyd Webber."

"What do you give a sick bird? Tweetment."

"Wild horses could easily drag me away. Probably a good sized dog or motivated cat could do the trick. A big bunch of gerbils, maybe."

"Ive decided to run a marathon for charity. I didn't want to do it at first, but apparently it's for blind and disabled kids so I think I've got a good chance of winning."