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Joke of the Day
"The swimsuit portion of the presidential election is going to suck."
Next Joke
"I just dropped my phone in the toilet and for a second I stood over it and thought, ""That's where it belongs."""
"Mountains... They peaked years ago"
"What did Hitler do to lose weight? He went on a Jews cleanse."
"A horse trots into a bar . . . with a 8 foot stringy greasy turd stuck in his butt, dragging along behind. Bartender stares down at the trailing choad, then looks up - ""Why the long feces?"""
"An Indian friend of mine used to hit his wife every night at 7.30... ..on the dot."
"When my child is born I'll paint flames on him so when I stand with the other parents at the nursery I can say ""Thats my son. The fast one."""
"Why was the United Nations concerned when the waitress dropped the platter on Thanksgiving? It meant the fall of Turkey, the ruin of Greece, and the breakup of China."
"Genie: I shall grant you three wis- Me: I wish my ex would fall back in love with me Genie: here's the thing Jeff, Kate's with me now..."
"How many people does it take to change a light bulb? Is just one of the questions I should have asked before buying a lighthouse...."