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Joke of the Day

"*sees Salvation Army bell ringer* ""Here you go, buddy. Merry Christmas!"" ""Sir, we don't accept children."" *runs away*"

"I lost my dictionary today... I can't find the words to express how I feel."

"How can you tell if someone loves bacon? Don't worry, they'll tell you that stupid vegan joke."

"I can count how many times I used condoms on one hand Zero. You put them on your penis, not your hand. Credit goes to Ron Jeremy."

"I told my wife I'm not willing to help with the laundry but I am willing to draw nipples on her flesh colored bras so they'd be less creepy."

"Please keep yelling incoherently at strangers on the internet about which candidate you think is best. This will surely change their minds"

"a murder of crows, a pride of lions, a virgin of gamers"

"I really can't stand listening to dubstep... I guess it just wubs me the wrong way."

"If Joseph Stalin completed all of his highschool credits Does that make him a Stalingrad?"

"jok Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map. Maria: This is it. Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America? Class: Maria did."