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Joke of the Day

"Back in my day invincibility cheats used to be called God Mode. 90 kid's will understand."

"I'll never forget the cooking time for my supermarket brand spaghetti... 9-11 minutes"

"What did the German physicist call his beer mug? Ein stein."

"I know 3 people who are clinically insane: Me."

"[Arguing with a guy over who's tougher] *takes toothpick from mouth* ""When I started chewing this it was a full grown spruce."""

"why are we mad at Beyonce for cultural appropriation when we could be mad that she made us listen to a Coldplay song?"

"Why can't you play UNO with a mexican? They always steal the green card."

"""Its not you. Its me."" ~ twins going through a photo album"

"The worst part of a photographic memory is keeping all the negatives."

"Next time you're swallowed by a whale, stand up through the blowhole like it's a sunroof on a limo. Throw your arms up. Have some fun!"