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Joke of the Day

"Regular sex makes your day. Butt sex makes your hole weak."

"I sometimes miss people I love quite a bit... But my aim is getting better."

"I've never bitten off more than I can chew, but once I put too much mouthwash in my mouth and couldn't swish it around."

"What happens in Vegas stays on Facebook."

"Man comes running in the door at home all excited. ""Honey, pack your bags! I won the lottery"" she asks ""should I pack for the beach or the mountains?"" I don't care. Just get the fuck out."

"A dad puts his kids down for bedtime He says, ""You're fat and stupid!"""

"So Batman skipped church... Call that a Christian Bale"

"Why was the Cyclops a terrible teacher? He only had one pupil."

"When your 3yo spits a chewed up wad of cheese into your hand and you're like ""where did you find this, I didn't give you any cheese today?"""

"My friend compared me to a singular cloud in an otherwise blue summer sky No one wants me around. Which admittedly is pretty great...I had no idea he thought so highly of me."