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Joke of the Day

"Why are hurricanes named after women? Because they come wet and wild and they leave with your house and your car"

"If I've learned one thing from Philip Seymour Hoffman's death, it's that someone needs to introduce Bieber to heroin."

"Do you know why the ""deez nuts"" guy is in prison? He's nuts."

"Bill Gates walks into a Apple Store.... and as he is looking at the ipad he farts. He takes a whiff and says to an employee, you need to buy some windows."

"Bunch of good one-liners"

"Why can't java programmers see well? Because of the eclipse."

"Puberty doesn't hit asians Their parents do."

"[being chased round my house by a murderer] ME: PLEASE STOP THIS IS SENSELESS MURDERER: What? ME: [puts Fitbit on] Ok carry on"

"What is enjoyed if it is wanted and hated if its not? Democracy"

"I wasn't sure about the idea of a beard at first But its growing on me."