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Joke of the Day

"What do Dave Mirra and The Offspring have in common? No Self Esteem!"

"My friend went swimming in Egypt recently... I said to him 'you do realize your swimming in one of the longest rivers in the world!'. He didn't believe me though, he's in de nile."

"I'm such a bad golfer, I found a job in the dessert I'm guaranteed to find water."

"Anyone want to do the laundry for me? Im exhausted. I can pay you in beanie babies or hot monkey sex. The monkey's name is Earl. He bites."

"Two chemists walk into a bar... The first one said ""I want some H2O please"".The other chemist said ""I'd like some H2O too"".Then he died."

"Why was President Banana of Zimbabwe elected? He had great appeal. - Courtesy of my dad."

"I bought a push up bra today... It didn't work, I can still only do 2..."

"I bet Dame Judi Dench has a pretty nice apartment. #cribs"

"Did you hear about the shirt that needed to lose weight? It runs big."

"My father has the heart of a lion... And also a lifetime ban from the zoo."