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Joke of the Day

"This guy came up to me and said he needed a glass of water but his pants were on fire so, he probably was lying about needing it."

"Why do 9 out of 10 bear moms prefer minivans over sedans? All the extra cubholders."

"Did you hear about the owl who fell in love with the goat? They had a hootin-nanny."

"""Yous shall not pass!"" (Gandalfini)"

"4-year-old: Are hot dogs made from real dogs? Me: Would you eat them if they were? 4: No! Me: 4: Unless I had ketchup."

"Why did Ahmed Mohamed put his clock in a pencil case? because pipe clock would have just been stupid."

"Meeting with a social media consultant about how to better leverage my twitter stream for optimum engagement. Kidding. Banging your mom."

"When people ask how my childhood was, I say ""Pretty good, so far."""

"[in a bar] Him: Trouble is my middle name. Me: wow... That's a stupid middle name. You must hate your parents. Him: *breaks down crying"

"India launched a rocket to Mars this morning. That's a heck of a place to put a call centre."