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Joke of the Day

"The only B word you should call a girl is Beautiful Bitches love to be called Beautiful"

"I thought I had an std because my eyes started burning every time I had sex. Then I realized it was just the mace."

"My Muslim girlfriend wants to blow me Should I be excited or call the cops?"

"Thinking of getting another kitchen table just for all my mail"

"Calling 911 Hello 911 I'd like to report murder, this bitch killed my vibe"

"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that. I heard this at work and thought it was clever. Enjoy"

"Immigrants are like sperm. Millions get in...only one works!"

"There are two cavemen sitting by a fire... [OC] One is eating some bugs he found, and he says to the other, ""You like beetles?"" and his friend says, ""No, *CRUNCH CRUNCH*, me more of a stones guy."""

"I may have Alzheimer's but at least I don't have Alzheimer's."

"DM: This person is writing offensive posts about you. ME: Oh cool, you follow my wife! Tell her I said hi!"