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Joke of the Day

"You say you can quit drinking whenever you want... ...but I bet you can't go more than two or three days without water."

"My first wife's breasts were different sizes... One spring I took her down to the beach for a wet T-shirt contest. We took 1st and 3rd place."

"What do you call an alligator in a vest? Investigator!"

"Did ya hear about the new pirate movie? It's rated RRRR!"

"It has been said that 25% of people have a distrust of stairs Because they are always up to something"

"My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food."

"""We need a name for this big flat state full of corn and you're gonna be the one to do it"" ""I...uhhh... Wha?"" ""Nailed it. Next state."""

"What is your name? Hugh Mungus"

"What is Batman's favorite thing to do with his money? Make it Wayne."

"A man with a mirror leaves a party... ... and says ""I'll see myself out."""