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Joke of the Day

"I'm not sure who looks more frightened & confused when someone knocks on my door, the dog or me?"

"[restaurant] WAITER: And to drink? ME: I'll have a coke and a pepsi. WAITER: Is pep...um...Is cok...ok...Is...I...what.. *waiter spontaneously combusts*"

"whats the difference between a girl and a bus? ""What's the difference between a girl And a bus"" ""What?"" ""As more people that go in the bus the tighter it gets"""

"What did the record holder for the world's longest coma get? A trophy"

"My Facebook movie is okay, but the book was better."

"Your first car is a lot like anal... ...you don't really want it but your stepdad gives it to you anyway."

"I wish there was an "" I don't get it button."""

"Did you know a hummingbird has to consume half its body weight in sugar every day and that I don't have to do that but I still also do that?"

"What's the Russian word for Internet outage? Internjet"

"My wife asked me... ...if I could eat her pussy when she got home from work. Later in the evening she asked me why I never ate her pussy. To which I replied ""What do you think was in the stew?"""