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Joke of the Day

"We used have Empires ruled by Emperors. Then We used have kingdom ruled by kings. Now We live in ... And We are about elect Hilary"

"What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts"

"What kind of money do snowmen use? Iced lolly."

"My Mum saw me naked this morning Guess now she knows what she's getting for Christmas."

"Wife: morning Me: good morning Wife: my parents are coming over for dinner tonight Me [pouring bleach in my coffee]: uh huh that's great"

"Coworker: You're very immature. Me: You're very observant."

"Sometimes, during the movie previews, I'll turn to the stranger sitting next to me and whisper, ""We should really go see that together."""

"What do you call a terrible performance of Han Solo: The Musical? A rebel without applause."

"What's green and turns red at the push of a button? A frog in a blender."

"Hitting the gym to release stress it's not nearly effective as hitting the cunt that causes the fucking stress"