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Joke of the Day

"My friend gave me an epipen in his last moments He printed it himself and it seemed very important to hi- wait why did the cops just pull up in front of the house"

"I was horrible in school... I failed math so many times, I can't even count"

"How to make holy water. You take normal water, and you just boil the hell out of it."

"Why do old men need a Viagra and a Doans before sex? The Doans is so their back don't peter out, and the Viagra is so their peter don't back out!"

"Why did God give women yeast infections? That way they know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt."

"I phoned the local gym... and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.'"

"That's the pope favorite method of payment? PayPal"

"Two Irishmen walk out of a bar"

"FRIEND: What 3 books would you have on a desert island? ME: My first book is more books. F: What? These aren't wish M: Second book's a TV."

"What is the definition of a farmer? Someone who is outstanding in his field. *hehehe* Credit: Laffy Taffy"