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Joke of the Day
"Dracula must have a hard life... It sucks to live forever"
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"[last day at job] ""You've made my life a misery, I hate you all"" [remembers my car is in the garage and I need a lift] ""Not you tho Phil"""
"First rule of thumb: Thumbs shouldn't have rules. That just makes no fucking sense."
"What do you call a black political figure? A *coon*gressman"
"Me: *Asks question on snapchat* Them: *Answers question on snapchat* Me: ""Wait, what did I ask again?"""
"*I gently remove an eyelash from her cheek* ""Make a wish,"" I say. *I am crushed by a T-Rex wearing a saddle seconds later*"
"When do you get when you take 50 lesbians and 50 civil servants? 100 people that don't do dick."
"How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, but don't ask me how they got in there."
"What do diapers and Politicians have in common? They both need changing regularly - for exactly the same reason."
"wwe joke about royal rumble breaking new kofi kingston win the royal rumble and win the new wwe word heavyweight championship"