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Joke of the Day

"With the recent events in the news... My Facebook friends list is starting to look like the French revolution."

"After years of cooking, I've found that the best way to prepare brussels sprouts is to throw them away and order pizza."

"I saw a squirrel bury a nut in my backyard today. I'm going to swap it for a grilled cheese sandwich and blow his mind."

"Why was the lawyer home early? Briefcase"

"Him: I won't bore you with the details. Me: Too late for that."

"I don't steal my tweets from song lyrics! Seriously. Y'all gon' make me lose my mind, up in here, up in here."

"My little sister is bringing her black boyfriend to my grandparents' house for Thanksgiving so I'm bringing popcorn and a comfortable chair."

"What's fun about having sex with twenty-one year olds? You know, there is twenty of them"

"There's a silver lining for survivors of the Nepal earthquake... They felt the city breaking, And everybody was shaking, But they were stayin' alive. Stayin' alive."

"I phoned the police. I said, ""A girl is being raped in the park!"" He said, ""You're going to need to be more specific than that."" I said, ""You kinky bastard."""