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Joke of the Day

"Why is Helium so trustworthy? Because HE's noble."

"When life hands you melons, you know you're dyslexic."

"Give a man a fish... ...and feed him for one meal. Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime. Give a man a fire, he stays warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire and he stays warm for a lifetime."

"this is the police, we have u surrounded come out with your hands on ur head, then ur shoulders, okay good now knees and toes knees and toes"

"10 just informed me that exercising releases inner-dolphins. If that's not a reason to exercise, then I don't know what is."

"I don't know about you, but I can't wait to be ashamed about what I do this weekend."

"ME: it's horrible. I would wish it on my worst enemy GUY: you mean *wouldn't* ME: hahahahahaha you're sweet"

"What are some good 'your sister jokes'? Ones like: what's the difference between dinner and your sister? I wash my hands before eating dinner."

"Wrote a short poem. I dug. You dug. She dug. He dug. I know it's not very good but it's pretty deep."

"What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say? This one really sucks."