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Joke of the Day

"When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders... When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders, do I punch the ballot with my sickle or my hammer?"

"I went to the zoo the other day. It was empty, except for a single dog... It was a shih tzu :)"

"Oh, you're a ceiling fan? Name three ceilings."

"Why didn't the movie ticket get convicted of both of its crimes? It would only admit one."

"""So you are suffering from flatulences, grandpa?"" ""Suffering? No, that's my last remaining pleasure!"""

"There are three type of people in this world. People that can count, and people that can't."

"It's still Valentines day for another hour.. Roses are red Violets are blue No, they are violet FTFY"

"And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. And then he made it round and laughed and laughed and laughed"

"""Squad goals,"" I said, aloud, to nobody, as two rats helped each other move an entire bagel into a hole in the subway tracks"

"Why did the vulture fly United Airlines? Because they allow 1 free carrion"