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Joke of the Day

"Doing my weekly Anti-virus scan, my laptop is a slut."

"If George W. Bush was the president of France today, he would declare war on Finland."

"What does an Italian have when one arm is shorter than the other? A speech impediment."

"Step 1: achieve tumescence. Step 2: figure out what tumescence is."

"If you get a divorce in Kentucky. . . are you still cousins?"

"I'm going to name my first daughter karma, Being a bitch already runs in the family."

"My wife asked me to stop singing Wonderwall... I said maybe"

"""We should see other people"" PIGEON: coo ""It's not u it's me"" - coo ""I'm breaking up w/ u"" - coo ""I'm sleeping w/ ur brother"" - not coo"

"I would watch a reality show that's nothing but goth kids trying not to smile while riding on a jet ski."

"One-percenters and Jimmy Swaggart One-percenters' relationship with politicians is like Jimmy Swaggart's with prostitutes. They pay lots of money to see other people get fucked."