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Joke of the Day
"What's grosser than gross? 2 eels screwing in a bucket of snot."
Next Joke
"What's one of the worst things you could come across while surfing the web? Your keyboard."
"My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.."
"If your drug dealer is on time, it's a cop."
"My new French girlfriend hates it when I pull her hair during sex. She says it makes her armpits sore for days."
"Dr: Are you sexually active? Me: *cries* Dr: Um, are you sexually- Me: *cries harder* Dr: .....Ok. Do you drink? Me: YES I BLOODY DRINK"
"what's wrong son? that kid said he's cooler than me what? impossible. what kid? *in my head im like don't be the kid with pegs on his bike*"
"Half of my life has been spent hoping people don't see me."
"Mumford & Sons! It's your cousin, Marvin. Marvin & Sons. You know that new sound you're looking for? *holds phone to a boiling pot of water*"
"Thought I saw a fat guy doing a killer air harmonica but it turns out he was just sneezing over and over."