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Joke of the Day

"Me: Hey Mr. DJ, do you take requests? Dj: Yes. M: Excellent, can you turn it down a bit."

"I was at a urinal when I realized standing to my left was Muhammad Ali and to my right was Michael J. Fox... bad day to wear sandals."

"What did the bartender say to the horse? bartender: Why the long face? Horse: My alcoholism is destroying my family."

"When I die I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa... ... not screaming in terror like his passengers."

"Nice try, theatre ad. But some of us don't need to put our phones on silent, for we have prevented calls with our deplorable personalities."

"Huh? Guess I must've got drunk and married Google at some point. I can barely get a word out now before it tries to finish my sentence."

"Asian keanu Asian Keanu arrives at a party Asian Keanu gets bored Asian keanu Reeves"

"the best way to hang up on someone is to do it in the middle of YOUR OWN sentence. that way, they never suspect you hung up on them."

"What do you call a disabled person committing a drive by? Handicappn."

"My English teacher is living proof that Grammar Nazis still exist. Sorry... Alt-Write."