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Joke of the Day
"One time I won a raffle in England, turns out it was for knighthood. Boy was I Sir prized"
Next Joke
"You're not impressing anyone, server who didn't write down our orders. You're just making us anxious."
"q: what's brown and sits on the piano, steaming ? a: Beethoven's 1st movement."
"Why doesn't Captain Picard have an iPhone He already has an android, and it came with a data plan."
"Elijah Wood and Toby Mcguire: whoever dies first gets played by the other in the biopic"
"With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine."
"What did Michael Phelps say after the Mens 200m? I would've gotten second if it weren't for you medaling kids."
"I'm like Helen of Troy. Not in the sense of being breathtakingly beautiful, but in the sense of pissing people off and starting wars"
"Shout out to my arms They're always by my side"
"[finds money in jacket] nice [finds more money in pants] Today is my day. On a roll Boss: will you please take my jacket & pants off?"