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Joke of the Day
"You know who brings a knife to a gun fight? Cannibals. And also a fork."
Next Joke
"[talking to life insurance agent] Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money? No thanks."
"The Mona Lisa was arrested for loitering today But it wasn't her fault, she was framed."
"Repeat after me.... I Pam sofa king read card Ted. Complements of my 6th grader."
"Apparently 50% of people prefer pizza to sex. What is wrong with people? Have they never had pizza?"
"Why should you never give Elsa a balloon? She'll let it go!"
"How's everyone holding up? It's crazy out there! I've killed 15 zombies so far! And why the hell are they all carrying candy?"
"I didn't spend years perfecting this blank, vacant expression so you could mistake me for someone who cares, lady..."
"""Wow, it smells like *sniff* wait what the?"" *Rips blind fold off and sees house burning down* ""Omg!"" Narrator: The power of Febreeze"
"Fun fact: the person who said ""If you love something let it go"" died alone, surrounded by 342 cats."