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Joke of the Day

"How do trees use the Internet? They log on"

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"Somebody gets stabbed in London every 57 seconds. Poor bastard."
"What's the best way to get a fat chick to have sex with you? Whoops, wrong subreddit"
"Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood until they move."
"Hans Zimmer was inspired by one composer in particular when writing the Inception soundtrack... Brahms"
"My sleeping pills say to take them and immediately go to bed, but I feel like I have plenty of time, so km ufmcmszbv ishzn hdu flerf."
"What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? (slightly nsfw) a dicktater"
"Kid threw a rainbow slushee at my windshield .... Thought I hit a unicorn"
"A student brings a slingshot to algebra class and fires gum at the professor It was a weapon of math disruption."
"Babe are you a clock? Cause you're the bomb"