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Joke of the Day

"The ruling that legal papers can now be ""served"" on Facebook is ridiculous. Don't they know the people they're looking for are on twitter?"

"Customer: Why don't you have doggie bags? Waiter: That would be cruelty to animals."

"[God Creating Dads] God: Ah, yes. Think I'm done Dads: Hi Done, we're Dads! God: Dads: God: *creates the adjustable thermostat*"

"Hey girl, are you a 10? Because you're basic..."

"My ex-girlfriend's star sign was cancer. It is quite ironic how she died.... .... she was killed by a giant crab."

"Never marry a drummer... they beat things for a living."

"Still shocked that people kill themselves without first eating nothing but cheesecake for a week, THEN killing themselves."

"Is your girlfriend wife material? I'm building a giant wife."

"You can make jokes about anything, just not mexicans That's crossing the border!"

"KENNEDY: lets keep our affair a secret MARILYN MONROE: ok i'll sing happy birthday all sexy & weird at ur bday K: pls dont MM: *winking* ok"