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Joke of the Day

"What's the hardest part about fucking a cripple? Paralyzing her."

"Can't believe my neighbors don't have any rum. How am I supposed to enjoy their hot tub while they're on vacation?"

"If you had your social security number in exact dollars how much money would you have? I'd have 314,159,265"

"My shorts are hydrophobic They don't repel water, they just think it shouldn't be able to adopt or get married."

"I always find New Year's Eve stressful. I've been diagnosed with old langxiety."

"TIL my mom isn't a member of any organized political party. You see, she's a Republican."

"I hate it when I try to impress a date by taking her to a nice restaurant and she orders something that isn't on my coupon."

"What do you get when toss a hand grenade into a French kitchen? Linoleum blownapart."

"True love is waking up in the middle of the night just to watch your laptop while it sleeps."

"FROM: Harvard SUBJ: Your PhD application We are unable to accept you at this time as ""Teaching Squirrels Karate"" is too cool for us."