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Joke of the Day
"I always find New Year's Eve stressful. I've been diagnosed with old langxiety."
Next Joke
"Ke$ha looks like a character I would select in Mortal Kombat"
"A man finds a job at an elephant circumcision office. His salary is so low that he wants to quit, but then he sees that the tips are huge!"
"Just discovered an app that tells you which one of your friends is stupid. It's called Facebook."
"Doctor told me I'm getting overweight Crap I thought eating disorder was bad enough!"
"If I want to check instructions and it's in Spanish, .. .. am I checking a Manuel?"
"What are pornstars paid? Income."
"Boy-Girl Boy: The principal is so dumb! Girl: Do you know who I am? Boy: No... Girl: I am the principal's daughter! Boy: Do you know who I am? Girl: No... Boy: Good! *walks away*"
"I should have known my son was stealing from his road construction job, but every time I came home I guess I just ignored all the signs."
"I think it's unfair that when a human eats uncooked fish it's ""sushi,"" but when a fish eats uncooked human, it's ""a shark attack."""