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Joke of the Day

"My work fired me for only losing a kilo! It sure is tough working for the International Bureau Of Weights And Measures..."

"The two secrets of life 1. Don't tell everyone everything you know."

"I changed my buddies auto correct, so when he types ""Got it"" it actually types ""Go tit"""

"A surprise party on someone's birthday isn't surprising. A better time would be 3-4 months after their birthday, in the middle of the night."

"Drunk girls really seem to enjoy dancing on top of things."

"When does it rain money? When there's change in the weather."

"Why did the pig go to the casino? To play the slop machine!"

"Don'tcha wish your g/f was fun like me? *plays Twister* Don'tcha wish your g/f was a freak like me? *regurgitates a jellyfish* Don'tcha...?"

"Why does Beyonce sing ""to the left, to the left?"" She's secretly a NASCAR fan."

"BREAKING NEWS Justin Bieber said... And I quote, ""Only God can Judge me!"" THIS JUST IN ...Apparently I'm God."