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Joke of the Day

"I like to bring bags of winter clothes into strip clubs and tell them to cover up. Then yell how they're embarrassing the family."

"At the rate this year's going so far... I'm probably not going to get that puppy for Christmas."

"This specimen cup tastes like Coors Light."

"Hilary clinton joke Friend:What are you going to the party as Me:Hilary Friend:why Me:Aren't you supposed to be something scary Friend: ;-;"

"Condoms don't break They sexpire."

"Why did the dick go to 7-11? To get a Slurpee."

"I am proud to announce that I have developed a foundation to aid abused women It's real thick to hide the bruises"

"Success is like Pregnancy Everyone congratulates you, but no one knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it."

"CAR GPS: turn left PHONE GPS: turn right C: who was that? ME: just a friend P: just a friend? ME: wait C: make an illegal U-turn ME: babe"

"What does a bowl of spaghetti and a degree from Phoenix online both have in common? If it ends up on your wall you're probably retarded."