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Joke of the Day

"ME: Who do you want to be at my Frozen-themed party? FRIEND: Let me be Olaf or Elsa ME: Ok but never threaten me in an Italian accent again"

"What is it? -What is it? -It's a ticket to the cinema -But why is it so small? -You place it under your tongue and wait for the movie."

"Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many have 28 days? All 12"

"I was sold a calculator with the plus button missing. Something doesn't quite add up."

"I'm celibate because i don't give a fuck."

"The local barber was arrested for selling drugs I think it's completely insane! I've been his customer for years and I had no clue he was a barber."

"Every single person on this subway is staring at their phone and I'm so appalled I have to tweet about it."

"Being an adult is just a competition to see how many times you can say ""storage space"" before you die."

"What's the difference between a German and a Scot? The German knows when he's not speaking English."

"Whoever named the seesaw probably didn't get another chance to name stuff."