70983

Joke of the Day

"I'll be signing copies of my tweets this Friday at Barnes & Noble in Salt Lake City! Just meet me by the bathrooms at 5:30 & bring a pen."

"I asked my North-Korean friend how it was there... He said he couldn't complain."

"Tell your mom to stop using different colored lipstick... My dick is starting to look like a rainbow"

"What's the best drug to have sex on? Birth control."

"Someone stole my mood ring And I don't know how I feel about it."

"want a brand new identity when you go back to school? why not change your name to 'Bird Christmas' or 'Crisp Terdass'"

"Cheer up you won't be single forever. One day you'll die"

"Oscar Pistorius misunderstood his girlfriend... when she said: ""for Valentines day, can you take me out?"""

"Why can't you tell puns to a kleptomaniac? because they take everything literally (p.s. you can steal this joke if you want)"

"I'm not going to let my kids listen to symphonies and big bands... too much sax and violins"