70978

Joke of the Day

"What are your thoughts on new soup technology? I say Progresso at any cost."

"Doctor Doctor I feel like an apple. We must get to the core of this!"

"(Me giving a Rorschach test) What do you see? Patient: A house and Me: Wrong it's Batman. Ok this one? Patient: I se Me: Nope. Batman again."

"Why didn't the pirate get into the movie? It was rated rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"

"What do mathematics and environmental beat mixers have in common? Al Gore rythyms"

"This is bullshit. I surrender my keys after 8 tequila shots and this cop is all, ""Ma'am, you can't walk down Main Street in your underwear."""

"""Wow, it's pouring out there."" ""Just let a smile be your umbrella!"" ""That's not how rain works, Karen."""

"I went to go see a psychic the other day.. I asked her if I'd ever be going to jail some time in the future. She said no, so I robbed her."

"A man's wife and his lawyer are drowning, and he must make a choice; so, he chooses to go to the movies. The end. just heard this on *Mad Men* btw"

"My wife still misses me... but her aim is getting better"