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Joke of the Day

"Last year's Christmas pudding was so awful I threw it in the ocean. That's probably why the ocean's full of currants!"

"Whats the biggest difference betweens mens and womens soccer? There are more pussies on a mens soccer team"

"Once you've seen one shopping center... ...you've seen a mall."

"Why did the mexican push his wife off the cliff? Because he wants tequila. Literally."

"Stop editing ya'll pics. What if you go missing? how you expect us to find you if you look like beyonce on facebook & chief keef in person."

"I might go to the airport and hold up a sign that says ""BABES"" and hope I get lucky."

"Sometimes I'll tell my wife the car is making a weird noise and I need to listen just so I don't have to hear her talk."

"Unless life also hands you sugar and water, your lemonade is gonna suck."

"What do you call a cat that torrents movies? A copy cat."

"The brake is on the left, the gas peddle is on the right, & the liquor store is 4 miles ahead. -Me teaching my 3yr old niece how to drive"