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Joke of the Day

"Last night I wrote myself a letter. But I forgot to sign it and now I don't know who it's from."

"So passed caring about how I dress any more. I just put on whatever makes me not naked and hope for the best"

"It's SO ADORABLE when my kid's fish sleeps upside down. Because that's what it's doing. Sleeping upside down. At least until I go to Petco."

"How does Davy Crockett like his pie? Alamo'd"

"You know what I hate about abortion clinics.. They really suck the life out of you."

"What can a duck do that a lawyer can't? Shove its bill up its ass."

"Twat did you say? I cunt hear you - scum again."

"Q: When driving through fog what should you use? A: Your car."

"I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger then it hit me"

"Know why you can't play bingo with Japanese people They all scramble for cover when you call B-29."