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Joke of the Day

"how do you keep a stupid, boorish, unnatractive, and uneducated person hanging?"

"Stephen Hawing running for president Just kidding.....he can't run"

"You know that feeling you get when you meet someone and your heart skips a beat? Ya, that's arrhythmia. You can die from that."

"Can't release my sex tape because an animal was harmed during filming :("

"Have you heard about that new therapy they're using in Japan? Soy lattes up the rectum. It's supposed to have amazing health benefits. Enemame."

"I'm always punctual, which is why I hope to be cremated and used in an hourglass."

"I've just noticed the wife is wearing her sexy underwear. This can only mean one thing. She's behind with the laundry."

"I try to work the song Uptown Funk into every conversation. Don't believe me? Just watch!"

"If I had a nickel for every racist thing I said... Some black guy would rob me..."

"The bra my boyfriend gave me is really uncomfortable. Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest."