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Joke of the Day

"How do you cure depression? A gun."

"At my funeral, I want them to play ""Thriller"" and have someone that looks like me climb out of a casket, dancing. (wins at death)"

"When does Sean Connery like to show up at Wimbeldon? Tennish."

"So this guy comes into a bar... no, wait - it was a horse. So this guy comes into a horse...."

"I like to surprise cross-eyed people they never see it coming"

"Judging by the size of her models, I'm guessing Victoria's Secret is lots and lots of cocaine."

"What do you call a punk band that knows how to play their instruments? A metal band"

"What did the horse say when he fell down? I've fallen and I can't giddyup."

"A Jewish lawyer lost his job He celebrated the occasion with a disbar-mitzvah"

"""There are only 2 four letter words that are offensive to me - Don't and Stop.....unless they are used together..."""