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Joke of the Day

"Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside."

"Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today , she shut her eyes and stopped breathing. I thought she was dead , until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby."

"My next door neighbour is really loud and obnoxious. So now I know how Canada feels. Well, it's what he would have wanted more."

"I replaced the glass in my bathroom windows so the tree outside can see exactly what I do with toilet paper. You know what paper is? I yell"

"I was pumping some iron in the gym yesterday, when the trainer pointed out that the hole in the weights was supposed to be for attaching them to a bar."

"I just sent a text that says ""we really need to talk"" to everyone I know so nobody will bother me today."

"Doctor says I need to see a chiropractor for my back pain... I said ""Are you nuts? I don't have time to go to Egypt!"""

"What goes well with country music? Suicide."

"The NSA has been tracking phone records for Verizon customers. They skipped AT&T because those people can't complete calls."

"What is atheism? A non-prophet religion Edit: Replace the word ""religion"" with ""set of beliefs"" if you're picky about that sort of thing"