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Joke of the Day

"Haven't seen a king so upset since MLK had a dream! WARRIORS!"

"What did the depressed plankton do? It krilled iself!"

"I wish Twitter would add bold or italics or meaning to my life."

"Q: What do you get when you cross a caterpillar and a parrot? A: A walkie-talkie."

"Yes, I'm aware I can't fly, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to try if my chute doesn't open."

"I'm not saying I did terrible things last night but satan just woke up on my couch and he won't make eye contact with me."

"It's bad luck to be superstitious."

"Now I know why Charlie Sheen was always Winning... ...he was just being positive."

"What does a gay horse eat? Haaaaaaaaaaaaaay"

"Why the young tailor couldn't finish his father's pants? Because he had no pocket money."