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Joke of the Day

"One time I invited a guy over for dinner but I didn't feel like cooking so I just poured us each a bowl of cereal really romantically."

"What does a nosy pepper do? Gets jalapeno business"

"What is Gordon Ramsay's favourite film? It's fucking Frozen."

"I bought pink cotton, but my wife wanted purple. So I killed her."

"""So kids, I was married to your mom & I met this girl on Twitter, we started DMing and one thing led to another"" -How I Met Your Stepmother"

"What is red and bad for your teeth? A brick."

"Don't google ""can you die from an ear infection"" at 2am"

"Hey ninja turtles, if youre trying to hide that youre turtles maybe dont drive around in a van thats customized to look like a giant turtle."

"When somebody sends me a ""k"" text, I assume they forgot the rest of ""fuc_ you"", so I make sure to correct them."

"So a dyslexic guy walks into a bra."