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Joke of the Day

"My mate lent me $5,000 to produce my idea of a fruit-based torch, then took all credit. He stole my limelight."

"*describes my ideal woman to police sketch artist* ""And I need you guys to find her by 9 tonight cuz this buffet coupon is about to expire."""

"""Why are the good ones always taken?"" - Me, staring at the assorted cookie tray"

"[Boss stands at my desk] Can I see you in my office? [I stare curiously] You can see me here, right?"

"What do you call an Ethiopian squatting to take a shit? A bragging son of of a bitch."

"What's the best type of monastery to send troublesome teens to? A Beenadickteen one"

"""Knock Knock"" ""Whos there?"" ""From"" ""From who?"" ""Its pronounced, From *whom*!"" Sorry for bad joke, please leave your criticism! I need it to make funnier jokes! P.S. its not!"

"Why was the marsupial wrongly convicted? He was tried in a kangaroo court."

"Was going to wear my camouflage pants today Couldn't find them."

"Did you hear about the twins with a fruit fetish? (May be NSFW) They came in pears"